this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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