she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
