which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
