sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
