It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
