just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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