And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize