Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
