Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Randomize
