It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize