so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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