It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
