you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
