he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
