Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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