Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
