you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
