I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Randomize
