Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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