I want to make a zoo with you.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
