we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
