..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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