The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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