He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize