This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
