The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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