I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
