I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
3pm strippers are depressing
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
