Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
