he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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