Pants 0. Shit 1.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I looked at my own cervix.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
