ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize