Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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