I want to have your abortion
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
