This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
