11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
