No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
