Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize