one might say we're banned from that church
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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