she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
