Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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