You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
