So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
