I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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