The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Randomize
