no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
