i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
