taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
