So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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