I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
