Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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