i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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