you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
