I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Randomize
