You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
