Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Randomize
