i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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