At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
