I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
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