2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
