Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
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