She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
me + whiskey = a bad person
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
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