your room smells of hookers.
And success
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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