This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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