what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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