Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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