She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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