I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
