just come out here and I will go home with you...
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
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