That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
