Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
