I just pynch a tree in the face
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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