another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
