What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Drunk walkin through police station. America
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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