I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
