if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
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