I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Panties = found
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
