did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
ugly people sure do ruin things
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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