Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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