for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
