haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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