I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I need to sanitize my soul.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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