Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I want to have your abortion
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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