I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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