We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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