Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize