Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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