FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
