So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
