Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Randomize
