i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
