i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Randomize
