i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
