I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
