Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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