We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
